First I would like to say that I am not a doctor and if you suffer from depression please seek medical /treatment right away. I have, however, suffered from depression for over thirty years. I suffer no more-Thank you God! I am writing this blog to share my experience with depression and how I finally got well with the hope it will help someone else.
We are taught from a young age that the world should be certain ways: women should be this way, men should be that way, mothers this way, fathers that way and so on for every role, circumstance, occasion, ect. Were taught to be tough, fit in, look this way, talk that way, ect. Thus, when things arn't the way they are "suppose to be" we get upset or others get upset with us. Our minds give us no peace until we fix it. Our minds are computers that were programmed by parents and society really well. I had a very active mind that would give me no peace if something wasn't the way I was taught it should be. I would try to "fix" it by talking to others or finding ways to accomodate others. I was a people pleaser and if others didn't like me it would bother me. If I saw someone else hurt, in any way, that would bother me too. My mind wanted to fix everything. I felt like I couldn't fix anything. My self esteem was very low. The world seemed to be very rarely anything like I was programmed it should be.
Anyway, I would be at a job a few years and I would start getting ill. I thought people were out to get me. (somehow I turned italics on and don't know how to turn it off). Now, I wasn't wrong. There are people everywhere who are just mean or want your job or want something, so they are awful. Like the people Dr. Phil talk about in his book, Life Code. They are everywhere and I thought they were the problem not me. So, I would start getting depressed. Talking to them didn't work. Going to the boss didn't work. Being super kind didn't work. Nothing worked. So, I would get so ill I couldn't get out of bed for weeks at a time. And, thus, eventually I would quit or lose my job.
Depression, by the way, felt for me like a very heavy, dense , dark, sad, fearful, anxious energy that filled and surrounded me. It was so heavy I couldn't even get out of bed to take a shower. And, I cried all of the time. Plus, I came very close to being homeless many times. One time I had just called and quit my job (after being sick for three weeks in bed) and I felt this paralyzing fear fill me as I thought, "I am going to be homeless. I have no savings or other income." Then I heard the most beautiful masculine voice say, "You have nothing to fear. I am with you always." He said more, but I was stunned and didn't register all of it. I felt tremendous love and strength come from this voice. Anyway, it is a long story after that. But, God was with me and He is with you too. He taught me how to get well.
In a very small nut shell. He taught me to trust Him, to not listen to my mind (the programmed computer), but to accept the world as it is and to accept myself as I am. He taught me to listen to my heart and to turn to Him whenever I was troubled. To listen to Him by becoming still and silent (like you listen if you think someone is in your house or when you meditate). His answer always comes, but maybe not when listening or even that day. But He is the "still small voice" and we must be learn to get silent and still to hear. We are spiritual beings. Our world is in His control only if we let Him in. He gave us free choice. Now that doesn't mean we don't do anything about external things if we can. External things are: our thoughts, emotions, health (see a doctor), wrongs (see a lawyer) ect. Internal is our spirit. We can't always control external things, so we do what we can and then accept. With our acceptance we can then invite Him in to take over. Anyway, it was a long journey. I had to learn to not listen to my mind, to turn to Him, and to Trust Him. This has given me a deep, beautiful peace. And, His presence has gradually grown stronger in and around me. I am happy and well now. The world rarely troubles me anymore. There are people who still try, though. I just feel sorry for them.
I have written alot in one blog. Sorry. This is my first ever blog. If you have any questions or comment I will listen and respond. This world is very troubled and so was I. I hope this helps others/you who suffer as I did. Please try to see the light and go see a doctor and definately turn to God. He is with you always, waiting.
God Bless You,
Donna
